I have artwork!

And not just any artwork. I held a CONTEST!

Tarol Hunt wrote of a new creature in his blog recently. The Muckdancing Turg-Jitter.

This little creature, according to Thunt, was about the size of your fist, and its mating call sounded exacly like a young child throwing a tantrum. The result was that, if a young child DID throw a tantrum anywhere near one of these things, they (the Turg-Jitters) would immediately swarm all over the whiny brat looking for a mate. So be warned, kiddies - don't go throwing hissy fits or you will be sorry.

Well, you can understand that with a description like that, I just had to find out what a Muckdancing Turg-Jitter (and the seven other Turg-Jitter species) looked like. So I announced a contest: come up with the best, or funniest, or cleverest picture of a Turg-Jitter of any kind, and I would award a prize.

And let me tell you, the responses POURED IN!!!!

And most of them said - basically - "what the heck are you talking about???"

But after relentless explaining and brow-beating and explaining and begging and threatening and more explaining - here are the results of the contest - and the first page of my GOBLINS art gallery.... which ironically still doesn't have any pictures of actual GOBLINS yet...




The Sword-Swallowing Turg-Jitter is the more mammal-like of all the Turg-Jitter, thought like the rest of them it does lay eggs, it also is able to nourish its young with a milk-like substance, filled with minerals and fat, that it "sweats" from the large pores on its stomach, much like the platypus does, a distant relative of the Turg-jitters.

The Sword-Swallowing turg-jitter is named such because it's tongue is surprisingly sword-like, hard as metal and sharp as a knife. It uses this amazing evolutionary trait to spear its pray with lightning speed, and then bring it to its mouth. Its main pray is fish, and like most turg-jitters it prefers not to swim, so a skill like that is mighty useful.

Its mating cry is very similar to the Muckdancing turg-jitter, thought being the rarer of the two it is much mare likely the hear the last the Sword-swallowing. It also has the turg-jitter's characteristic plump sound-forming lips, and hairless feet, much like a geckos, so it can stand and keep its balance on most surfaces, like the slime covered rocks that surround ponds, its main domain. It cannot, however, run on water. It is a feat that only the Muckdancing turg-jitter can do.


Entry by GLOWFACE -

The Muckdancing Turg-Jitter

Note the noble posture, the wide-spread, muscled legs for dancing the muck and climbing children (also: furrless foot for stepping into mud on occasion, when not walking on top of it); keen ears for identifying voices and calls; the big, inflating chest or throat for producing sufficiently manly and loud mating calls for such a small creature; and, of course, the thick and flexible lips for the precise shaping of its voice.

(The next two Turg-Jitters aren't in the contest; they are just my own additions. )

This is the Sapsucking Turg-Jitter.

This little fella can scamper up almost any surface. Between their scaley feet and hands, and the stiff sharp prongs sticking out of their elbow and knee joints (called "wickets"), they can cling to the slipperiest or gooeiest of things and use their long probuscus to reach the sap or other sweet nectars they crave. And if their wickets get a bit sticky, well their wicked googly little eyes never shed any tears over it.
They have the most beautiful singing voices of all the Turg-Jitters, and if one were ever to hear their mating calls, the onrush of sentimentality and melancholy would be near overwhelming. Unfortunately, you never will hear such calls, for the Sapsuckers are SOOO gluttonous, they will not stop eating, even when sleeping or searching for a mate. Thus their mouths are usully so sticky with sap, they cannot form the right notes to attract the opposite sex.


The Moss Mincing Turg-Jitter is so named because of the green fuzzy hair atop its body, not due to its diet. In fact, it lives nowhere near most mossy things, prefering the dryest hottest desert for its home. Its five legs give it extra stability when crossing the shifting dunes, but it does lend it the appearance of a slight stagger.

the Moss Mincer dines soley on scorpions and beetles and other desert insects. However - do not think this makes it a friend of humans. Quite the opposite. For instead of devouring the entire bugs, the Moss Mincer uses its extra-deft feet to flip them over, allowing it to eat the "tastiest" (to it) parts - the legs. Afterwards, the Moss Mincer will wander off happy, chirping a little tune. The scorpions and whatnot are left to ponder what happened.

Go fig... Scorpions HATE Moss Mincers.
And by extension, so do humans. You thought the little stingers were ticked off before! If you hear more than one Moss Mincer singing in your camp, you can bet the noise has attracted a swarm of stinging biting insects charging into the area to get their revenge. They wont, of course- - the Mincers are just too quick. But that leaves numerous legless poisonous critters just lying around desperate to sting something...




And..... That's it. Two weeks, and only two entries. Not much of an auspicious start to my contest creating career.

Never-the-less, I have some prizes sitting around here, so let's award them!

The winner of the Best Lip and Tongue Action goes to Burns Everything for the Sword Swallowing Turg-Jitter.

And the winner of the Puffiest Chest award goes to Glowface for his proud Muckdancer.

Gentlemen - you have each won your choice of the following:

1. A *pdf* version of Goblins - Life through their Eyes book one or two

2. Any other e-book offered by (up to the Goblins book price)

3. A DVD-R copy of my Mystery Science Tulsa episode of Timecop.

You can Email me at to arrange prize delivery.



So... that's it for the time being. My efforts at elevating the Turg-Jitter into cult status fell a little short. But I'm gonna keep trying. Stay tuned for future updates to this page and this site. My art collection may have started out small, but that just means it can only grow bigger. What's next? Well, hopefully some GOBLINS fer Pete's sake! This IS a Goblin's fan site after all! Sheesh!



You know what, folks? I enjoy writing and will keep doing so, but it is also nice to hear from any of you who read my stuff, or just are browsing my website. Drop me a line. Say Hi. Don't say Hi. Let me know what you think, or what you would like to see or read.





Don't despair, Thac0. There's more to see on my Goblins main page.
Or take a tour of Castle Forrester.